I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart at the age of eight. It was an amazing experience. Pastor K. Joy was speaking at a weekly prayer meeting in the chapel at St. Stephen’s Hospital. I was the youngest person there and I think the only male in the crowd of nursing students. The pastor (who later baptized my sister, twisted my ear publicly, did my sister’s wedding) asked the question “Who would like to have Jesus come into their heart and be forgiven of all their sins?” I raised my hand almost immediately. The experience was so uplifting that when Pastor K. Joy asked the same question the next week I raised my hand again. Both times I had no idea what exactly I was doing, I just knew that I liked the attention and the approving nods from the adults the first time I did. The second time around, I noticed uncomfortable and knowing adults fidget as they recognized that I was just a dumb little kid desperately seeking approval. It truly pains me to relate that story considering the fact my maternal grandmother still loves to proclaim the salvation of her grandchild—her muthu (treasure)—at the age of eight.
Leaving that little incident aside, it may shock you to know that I probably have never really made a commitment to follow Jesus Christ.
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Anyone can find communion with God through Jesus Christ unless:
1. You marry a karamban.
2. You sit next to your wife during Sunday service.
3. You wear jewelry. It is not modest enough.
4. You wear jeans to church. It is too modest.
5. You decide to do away with Psalm reading.
6. You decide not to say your memory verses.
7. You don’t want to raise your hands during worship.
8. You are a woman and you want to put some makeup on.
9. You want to date.
10. You want to date a velamban.
11. You want to date a karamban.
12. You want love marriage rather than the arranged kind.
13. You kiss your wife in public.
14. You question the pastor’s theology.
15. You decide you might be better off going to the English church.
16. You are a woman and you don’t want to cover your head during service.
17. You are a woman and you want to wear a red colored dress. (Some churches seriously get angry if you do this.)
18. You decide to do away with the holy kiss during communion and prefer a firm handshake.
19. You write up a list mocking Malayalee Pentecostal tradition.
Did I forget any of the steps?
Indian business school names Hanuman as their chairman:
Hanuman, the popular god known for his strength and valor, has been named official chairman of the recently opened Sardar Bhagat Singh College of Technology and Management in northern India, a school official said Saturday.
The position comes with an incense-filled office, a desk and a laptop computer. Four chairs will be placed facing the empty seat reserved for the chairman and all visitors must enter the office barefoot, said Vivek Kangdi, the school’s vice chairman.
How would you ask the monkey god for a raise? Barter with bananas?
Succumbing to the barrage of criticism I recieve from my close friends in the Indian community, I’ve decided to do something about my gut and start working out. I’ve settled on a video workout program called P90X. All you need are some dumbbells and a pull up bar. I’ve only done Day 1 so far, but I’m feeling the pain and I think it’s killing me. Thankfully, my friend and coworker Emmanuel has decided to do this along with me. It is amazing how out of shape I am, this may be my biggest challenge of the summer. Beyond the reading list, beyond my senior thesis– the biggest DeCruz gut ever emerges. In 90 days you will see a new and improved DeCruz.
