My Writings. My Thoughts.
My Absurd American Media
// January 14th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // World
Disclaimer #1: Before I get to my point (which I almost never do), let me make a full confession. I am an accomplice of everything I criticize in this post. I am a greedy consumer of the saccharine amusement which is all around me.
Disclaimer #2: Interestingly, I paused on this post so I could go and watch the latest Late Night Videos at Gawker.tv.
I watch Family Guy on a regular basis. Don’t ask me why. I just do. I watch The Simpsons as much as I can. I have caught up on all the episodes of The Office, Community, 24, and even the pitiful American Dad. I have even finished watching a few seasons of the obscure British television show Wire in the Blood, starring Robson Greene. Who? Exactly. I said obscure, remember?
Please don’t ask me about my Netflix addiction. Or my Facebook addiction. Or Mobsters 2: Vendetta. If you refrain from asking me about such things, I won’t ask you about your Glee, Dexter, or Desperate Housewives obsession. As I’ve mentioned, I couldn’t fully comprehend why I waste so much of my life on such things. However, I think I have a small grasp on comprehending this mess I’m in.
I want to be amused. It isn’t for information or even being entertained. The pure heart of the matter is that I want to be amused.
Why else would I have stayed up the past two nights catching up on the incredibly ludicrous Late Night Wars? Watching Conan O’Brien attack Jay Leno as the other talk show hosts join in as a dispute over contracts rages at the National Broadcasting Company (NBC) over millions of dollars. Put aside the fact that these people seemed to be raging on over millions of dollars while last month’s US job report seemed to indicate that our recession wasn’t getting any better and more people seemed to be losing jobs than gaining them. Simply consider the fact that Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien are angry about contracts as Dr. Sanjay Gupta on CNN treats a baby around 15 days old for a head injury. The baby’s mother died as their house collapsed during the magnitude 7.0 earthquake which decimated Haiti. I watched all this and I laughed along with everyone else because I wanted to be amused. In my Pop Culture class during my last semester of university, my professor Dr. Monica Ganas talked to us about the word ‘amuse’. The first part of the word, ‘a’, means without. The second part, where many of us have probably seen it in the context of inspiration (for example, a poet’s muse), means thought here.
To recap: amuse means “without thought.” Hence, as I watch these television shows and consume my Hulu and my Netflix, I am simply wasting time without any thought. I know, as I write this, that it’s not just me. In 2009, one study found that my fellow citizens spent a 141 hours per month watching television. That was in the second quarter of the year, it went up 1.5 percent after that. I suppose my point is this: As an empire, we seem to be spending a lot of time simply putting thought aside. We would rather spend hours in front of a television or a computer screen (blogging, no doubt) than spend time with thought.
It is difficult but I’m trying not to sound like a preachy blowhard here. I think I’ve clarified enough times that I am the person that I point the finger at. I just wonder if we as a people can spend some time reflecting with thought in the coming days.
Now what will that amount of thinking lead to? I’m almost scared to find out.
Haiti.
// January 13th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // World, evangelical
I am not qualified to talk about Haiti. At all. I don’t know much about the country and I can only add what I’ve read in the media reports over the past few hours. I don’t think we really understand the absolutely crushing nature of this particular earthquake. This was not a simple disaster. This earthquake was an additional source of heartbreak in what is a perpetual national disaster. There are no ways to properly illustrate what Haiti has been through. According to several news reports, 80% of the population is living in poverty. Hurricanes over the past few years have managed to wipe out 15% of the GDP.
It has been disaster after disaster for this nation and one wonders if it is even possible for reconstruction or recovery. I read a comment which simply said “our nation is ruined.”
Pat Robertson chose to chime in, unfortunately:
Quick disclaimer: I don’t think that’s why this earthquake has happened. I don’t believe that the Haitians have been cursed.
Having said that, I’ve actually heard this before. I was at a church in Azusa, CA once and the Nigerian pastor there told me this same story. I did a bit of research, and it turns out that a voodoo ceremony was the turning point in the revolution that finally gave the nation its independence:
Bois Caïman (lit. Cayman 1 Woods; Kreyòl: Bwa Kayiman ) is the site of the vodou ceremony presided over by Boukman Dutty and Cecile Fatiman on August 14, 1791. It is widely accepted as the starting point for the Haitian Revolution. Participants at Bois Caïman were also Georges Biassou, Jeannot Bullet and Jean François Papillon, all of which were leaders of the early Haitian Revolution.
From the same page. The actual prayer attributed to Boukman Dutty is a bit ambigous but I doubt the evangelical crowd will have a field day with this for days to come:
“The god who created the earth; who created the sun that gives us light. The god who holds up the ocean; who makes the thunder roar. Our God who has ears to hear. You who are hidden in the clouds; who watch us from where you are. You see all that the white has made us suffer. The white man’s god asks him to commit crimes. But the god within us wants to do good. Our god, who is so good, so just, He orders us to revenge our wrongs. It’s He who will direct our arms and bring us the victory. It’s He who will assist us. We all should throw away the image of the white men’s god who is so pitiless. Listen to the voice for liberty that speaks in all our hearts.“
A website which details the entire ceremony, almost all of it is in Kreyol
I know I’ll get the emails from people who certainly believe in all of this stuff. I do too, maybe not in this particular case but I do believe that there is darkness in this world. Yet, I plead with any Christian who may read this. Please shut up. Please. Leave the judgement to God. Now is the time to get on our knees and pray.
The British Red Cross has a photoset on Flickr which is streaming photos directly from the disaster.
Anderson Cooper was the first American reporter on the scene. News organizations are experiencing difficulties broadcasting from Haiti because so much of the infrastructure has been destroyed.
The fastest way to donate is to use your cellphone. Text the phrase “Haiti” to the number 90999. 10 dollars will be donated to the Red Cross and added to your cellphone bill at the end of the month.
That’s all for now. Keep praying.
Ouch.
// January 12th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // APU, Bout me stuff
It’s been a while, blogosphere.
I’m sincerely sorry. I wrote like two posts from India and felt incredibly behind on life in general.
Well, here’s what happened. I worked for The Week this summer and ended up getting an article published this past December. I’m still trying to figure out how to get that posted (I have them as image files).
I came back to school and I began my final semester without a cellphone, computer, or television. I went for about 34 days. I’ll explain more about that later.
I was to have graduated with more than 110,000 dollars in debt.
About ten minutes before I graduated, I went into a conference room where President of APU, Jon Wallace, the Board of Trustees and several other bigwigs were standing. After a few minutes, they informed me that an anonymous donor from New Zealand had wiped out 110,000 dollars in student loans for me.
Yup. All gone.
So now, I’m done with college and I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life. I want to go overseas but we’ll see how that will work out.
This post is just to indicate that I’m back on the radar. I’ll use this as a placeholder until I wake up tomorrow. You won’t be sorry when you come back here. Bookmark the page, dammit!
Prolongedly Peaceable
// July 5th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Sri Lanka
Two years ago, I went on my first Inter-faith dialogue trip to Utah. My team was co-led by Rylee Applebee. Her future husband, Benjamin was also on this trip with us. This was the beginning of a friendship that has become very dear to my heart. I’m not sure if I can express properly how much I love this beautiful young couple. They are the very definition of bleeding heart liberals. While they have come from a mostly comfortable existence in Southern California, their desire seems to be to pour out their hearts for the world. I don’t think I’ve ever met a couple so humble and so incredibly loving. They are open-minded and completely firm in their convictions. (Don’t ever start an argument with Rylee about why Wal-Mart is awesome.) I say all this because they are in Sri Lanka at the moment. They have just begun their year-long stay in that country and are working with an organization that is focused on Tamil-Sinhalese reconciliation.
This is the sort of thing that I see Ben and Rylee doing their entire lives. They may think they’ll be done after this year, I seriously doubt it. They can’t be done. You and I need more young couples like this out in the field taking on challenges and working to resolve them. Rylee has the quiet strength that so few people possess. Benjamin has the ability to see the positive in almost any situation, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him angry (maybe annoyed–at me).
While they’re in Sri Lanka, they’re writing here. Go visit them, and keep reading.
In India
// July 5th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // India
I’ve been here for over three weeks and I haven’t written a single post. Shame on me.
To be honest, I’ve been decently busy and internet access has been a bit difficult. I’ve been interning at The Week for the past three weeks and it has been interesting, to say the least. I’m not used to the work environment which has been slow compared to how the U.S does it. Still, I am learning a lot more in this job than I have in any other job. I don’t get paid but I honestly believe that it’s completely worth it. So far, I’ve done two little graphics pieces. If you have had access to the magazine for the past two weeks then check out ‘Ripples in the lotus pond’ and ‘Exit MJ, Enter Problems’ Looks like everyone is benefiting from the poor guy’s death.
Even though I haven’t been writing on here. I have been writing in my journal and working on several different pieces at work. At the moment, I’m also working on a little piece about Twitter and use of the social networking phenomenon within the Indian-American diaspora.
Kerala is still a puzzle. I’m not sure how I should judge it. I’m so used to Los Angeles and Portland and this fact makes Ernakulam and Trichur difficult places to stay. I’ll be posting some of my observations from the homeland in the hours and days to come.
The Incapable African-Indian-American.
// February 9th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized
I struggle to figure out who I am in this world. I’ve been torn between two things my entire life. I don’t just two things in one context, I mean two things in every context. I was born in Libya, dedicated by Ghanaians in an elaborate dancing ceremony, raised in India for seven years, and have been growing up in America for the last ten or eleven years. I’m torn between different ways to practice my faith. I’ve been raised Holiness Pentecostal, been a member of: a Malayalee Pentecostal church, an American church, and an African-American church. I speak two languages fluently and I can understand another. I’ve experienced the quiet and laid back life of Portland, Oregon and the fast paced and high energy style of Los Angeles, California.
I say all this to reaffirm what I’ve been thinking for the past hour as I’ve lain in bed completely lost and confused. My entire being is a deep and unfathomable mess. I am African-Indian-American, English-Malayalee, and Christian-Pentecostal (sort of). This sort of explains the pause when someone comes up to me and asks “Where are you from?” Even more amusing is the fact that these people ask me this question in hopes of talking to me about India. My response is almost always: Oregon. I’m coming to the end of my time here at Azusa Pacific University and I’m very lost on where my life should go. I want to do broadcasting because, simply put, it’s the only thing I know how to do. I can write a decent news story when the time requires it. I want to study more theology because that’s what I enjoy doing the most.
As I was explaining to someone tonight, my carefree and independent side tells me to do theology if it is truly what I love. Yet, at the same time, my Malayalee brain tells me to make the smart choice and do broadcasting. Some friends tell me that there is no reason I should choose either. Some say, why not both? I am deeply lost. Fundamentally confused. It doesn’t end here, however. I’m lost in terms of theology. A lot of what I thought was true as little as two years ago have been turned upside down. I’m not sure why this is all happening but I’m assuming that God has a purpose in doing so.
So, in short, the one you know as DeCruz is completely incapable of figuring out his own life. Just as he was in 2004 when he graduated and just as he will be six years from now.
The Era
// January 19th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // christianity, evangelical
It is a new day and the beginning of a new era.
Unbelievably cliched, isn’t it? I’m not talking about the sentence, although it may be contrived and pitiful. I speak of how cliched the atmosphere is as the United States changes for good starting tomorrow. As George W. Bush steps off the national stage tomorrow and Barack Obama takes the central spotlight, it is interesting to note the evolution of my own beliefs over the past eight years. From being someone who thought with absolute intentions about every single significant issue in his first year of high school to being in my last year of college and having a complete sense of helplessness about what to believe and where to stand on the issues. In 2003 and 2004, despite an initially murky attitude on the subject, I became a fervent opponent of gay marriage.
Surprisingly, I was still in support of marijuana legalization. In 2009, it appears that I am an adamant libertarian depressed at what the future holds. My friend sent me a text today to ask me to join him in watching the Inaugration and I responded with a snarky remark on how I would be crying into my pilow about the advent of full scale socialist adventures that is sure to come with this new administration. But in fact, I am a little curious about what the future holds for this country. In conversations with older Indian “uncles” over my Christmas break, it was interesting to hear them pontificate on the death of the American Empire. Many cited the Russian professor, heralded by the Russian state media, who declared that the United States would break up into collection of independent states by 2025. He declared that Alaska would simply go to Russia and that other states would break away and join Canada and Mexico. The ludicrious prediction isn’t the point. Russia is barely surviving as a large scale global power at the moment as China and India continue their meteroical ascent. Mexico was just declared close to being a basket case by the U.S military and Canada isn’t exactly looking to add on more states as they face a constitutional breakdown of goverment. The point though, is that people are now contemplating and openly discussing the downward trend of the American Empire. I find myself intrigued by the conversations as more and more people declare their intentions to leave the country in the next few years. I surprised myself when I found that I joined the chorus when I declared my intentions to my parents to leave the country once I recieved my Bachelor’s Degree or after I was done with my Masters. I have a deep feeling though, that America is not done. Many have predicted the demise of the United States before. The last time feelings were this nasty was during the end of Jimmy Carter’s reign. Ronald Reagan stepped in to usher the United States onto the world’s stage again. Presidents since have tried to allude themselves to Reagan in their attempts to make their own mark on history. America has never fallen, even if it is a young nation on the global stage. It will continue to flourish despite bumps along the way. Only thing that must continue is the idea or myth of America as a land of opportunities. The line has to be long to get into this nation. People have to be aware that it’s worth it to come here. This nation must also hold true to free-market principles. I’m increasingly surprised at the amount of people who are unaware of how good it is to have a libertarian principle in life. I’m currently writing a piece for the Conservative Voice (a student led publication on campus) about why a Christian can hold free-market principles and not have it be in opposition to biblical standards. I’ll post it on here when I’m done.
I’m on twitter now: you can find me at http://www.twitter.com/decruzp
Until next time. As my friend Ryan would say, Grace and Peace!
Beautiful Song
// December 21st, 2008 // No Comments » // christianity, evangelical
My friend Ruhan Philip from Seattle posted this song on Facebook today. I’m absolutely proud of this guy and this song. He is incredibly honest with himself and others as one can easily understand from the following. Read and comment and offer suggestions for Ruhan. My understanding is that there is no tune for it yet.
Darkness surrounds
a hurl of crashing sounds,
I have lost my way
Backslider is my name
but your grace remains
your grace remains
what have i become
to what extent have i spun
in an opposite direction
a composite inflection
I am bending the wrong way
I’ve taken an angle astray
from where I should be
from where I should be
chorus:
But there You are
Calling my name
Calling my name,
There YOU are
coming after me
coming after me
I abandoned you
but yet you remain
I am slipping
i am falling
the world’s crashing down
the world’s crashing down
i can’t bear my sin
emptiness is beating my win
i feel that all is lost
I feel that i’ve run to far behind…
(chorus)
bridge:
there you are
your piereced hands reach out
and your love so profound
Our Guys
// December 17th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // Blazers
I’ve always loved the name of our arena.
The Rose Garden.
When news broke a while back that the name might be changed, I became like a fanatic freedom fighter. “I refuse to call it anything but the Rose Garden,” I emphatically pounded my fist on the table. “It will always be the Rose Garden!” My roommates all glanced at each other momentarily and then glanced right back into their books. I was in Los Angeles County, the unfortunate Mecca for those fair-weather, smog inhaling Lakers fans. I was right in the northern area, surrounded by fans of the “Purple and Gold” and—even worse—those who did not care.
Being a Portland Trail Blazers fan in an area like Southern California can be treacherous to your health. I remember one moment in 2000 when my family went to visit Disneyland, a bright spot in what is otherwise an awful town. We were walking through one of the major streets when someone in a Lakers jersey walked by. I looked directly at the chubby white man with intense dislike. This was in the heat of the Western Conference Finals the one with the Game 7, which ruined [THIS SECTION HAS BEEN REMOVED FOR HEALTH REASONS]. I was about to open my mouth and say something when someone else stepped out of the walking crowd. He was holding his beautiful young wife’s hand and definitely looked like a tourist. He gazed at the Mr. Lakers fan’s jersey and said in the most deathly polite way: “Lakers suck.”
The moment began in slow motion. The moment when the words left the brave man’s mouth was a freeze frame. It was like the screen grab basketball television announcers use to draw diagrams about what the team did right during a game.
You see, Tom, right here we have a zone defense that completely collapsed under the weight of that Blazer offense coming out of that man’s mouth. Maybe the announcers would have drawn a circle around the fat Lakers fan’s torso and a large ‘X’ on his face.
While the analogy works, I think a better picture is painted when you consider the moment in reference to a good action film. This could be the moment when the bullet hits the villain right in the gut and he gyrates everywhere until he falls to his usually gory death. I hope I’m conveying the intensity and utter drip-drip-like tension of the moment here.
The evil Lakers fan looked around, obviously shocked. I’m sure if he was like any other Laker fan he must have picked up his jersey at the end of the season when he realized the team was worth supporting. He probably didn’t even know who number 34 was. He opened his mouth possibly thinking of a good retort in his mind. It took a second longer than he or anyone else anticipated which gave me an excellent opportunity. I had been presented with an incredible chance to show my Blazers pride and to stick the dagger to an unaware victim. I looked at the man who had thrown the first volley and smiled. He nodded back, probably insecure in his sexuality, and confused at why this young Indian boy was smiling at him. It was like in those old wrestling videos when Bret Hart tags Owen Hart and Owen comes rushing out with a gorgeous haymaker that knocks the opponent out. It was like those Athenians who stayed with the Spartans to fight the advancing Persian army.
I straightened my shoulders and said “Yeah! Lakers suck!”
Ah. What a glorious attack! What wit!
Not in the least. I had the equivalent of a Maginot on offense. I had allowed my tongue to create an insipid phrase in a glorious battle between professional basketball fans. The other Blazers fan looked away, his heartbreak showing on his face. Sweat formed on my forehead and my palms were clammy like the time I held Stacy Weil’s hands during All My Life by Kc and JoJo at the 8th grade dance.
I had failed. Or at least I believed I did until the Lakers fan looked at me, shocked that two fans from Portland were in his turf. He looked down at the ground and shuffled his feet away slowly. I perked my shoulders up and had the largest grin that I have ever had on my face. A corner-to-corner smile was plastered across this young Blazers fan’s face as I walked away. The good guys had won.
It is now 2008 and another Blazers season has begun. We aren’t as good as the team we had in 2000 but boy, it feels good to be a fan again. Sure we lost that 2000 series, but maybe it was a good thing. It is nice to come up from Los Angeles for my winter break and see my dear friend Lainie share about how much she loves our guys.
Our guys. I like that.
We may not win this year. And we may not win next year.
Heck, they may even change the name of the arena to Chase Bank Arena. No they may not, that would be awful.
Whatever happens though, these guys are our guys. And I would go fight for their cause any day.
UPDATED: Changed heath to health thanks to a belligerent Lakers fan. Thanks, Benjamin 
On the Terrorist Attacks in Mumbai
// November 28th, 2008 // No Comments » // Random, World
We had Thanksgiving in Pullman with my sister and brother-in-law this year. It is common in American popular culture to assume that on Thanksgiving Day, Americans gorge on a Thanksgiving lunch or dinner that is in fact too large and too unhealthy for their own good. After a hearty meal, it is assumed that most American men sit down in front of the television to watch a football game. I’m not sure if any of the above is true, but I know that my family did very much the opposite. We ate Indian food first because the turkey dinner wasn’t done yet. We didn’t watch football either. We put on CNN International to watch as terrorists held a city captive. I was in Portland, Oregon when they started. My obsession with Drudge Report didn’t provide me with information this time and neither did my obsession with other news sources. Apparently, American news networks had decided for the first few hours of the terrorist attacks in Mumbai that another attack that went after more brown people didn’t really matter. I learned about everything from one of my favorite blogs, Sepia Mutiny. A post from Ennis spoke about what was happening and I instantly saw images of a police jeep in screeching through a Mumbai streets indiscriminately shooting at journalists and local citizens.
I think the recklessness of the terrorists was tamed by how well planned the whole situation was. One can picture a twelve year old playing Grand Theft Auto and creating the sort of havoc that has been on display for the past 48 hours and more in Mumbai, India. Bomb blasts across the south of the city, random young men in jeans and t-shirts with backpacks strapped to their backs, commandos rushing in from helicopters—it all had the feel of a poor Tom Clancy novel. The most frightening aspect of this crisis isn’t even the fact that this is a terrorist attack, because it doesn’t follow what we in the West are used to when we hear the words terrorist attack. This has the feel of a Columbine shootout; maybe even a Virginia Tech. There were random shootings at first, then a search for the American and British civilians. I couldn’t pry myself away from the television and couldn’t stop following the news online. The local TV news stations in India were the most irritating, giving up the tactical positions of commandos as they rappelled down onto hotel rooftops. Things were so chaotic that I couldn’t keep up with the events as they unfolded. A blast heard at the Oberoi hotel? Was this the same one that happened an hour ago? Gunshots heard and hostages taken? Where did this happen? And how? I gave in to the chaos and simply listened as talking head after talking head appeared on the screen and gave their take on what was happening. I could tell they were as helpless as I was as helpless as the hostages were as helpless as the police trying to rescue them. The terrorists were in control and the terrorists would still be in control when all this was over.
After all the terrorist attacks of the past few years; after all the bombings, rioting, and numerous deaths, I think this one will have a different reaction. I think the Indian government will finally stop with their weak-kneed response to such blatant acts of terrorism. This is a wake-up call for the rest of the world as well. President-elect Obama cannot afford to ignore the real threat of terrorism around the world. Extremism, whether it is Christian, Hindu, or Muslim needs to be stamped out around the world. Violent behavior has to be stood up to. We must have an attitude of confronting these terrorists wherever they are and destroying them. This is not an Indian problem. It is not an American problem. This is a worldwide cancer, which must be stopped at all costs. I’ve heard the word complacency repeated in recent days. That’s exactly what this is all about. We cannot afford this attitude any longer. Extremism is real and it breeds real terrorism. Perhaps we can all wake up to this reality.
I saw prominent blowhard Deepak Chopra on television yesterday criticizing American actions worldwide for these particular attacks. Perhaps he would like to explain to the scores of Indians who died how they were responsible for Afghanistan or Iraq.
A note about the residents of Mumbai is necessary at this point. I read story after story about how hotel staff acted so calmly when protecting tourists and other hotel guests. I hope more inspirational stories such as these come out in the following days.
Soon the rest of the terrorists will die. Perhaps more hostages will be killed. The streets will be quiet again while city-workers mop up the blood. Terrorism will not go away. It’s time we all woke up. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
